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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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Browns Impressed By Johnny Manziel’s Chemistry With Bench

CLEVELAND—Noting that it normally takes several seasons before a tandem develops such a solid connection, Cleveland Browns head coach Mike Pettine told reporters Thursday that he has been extremely impressed by rookie quarterback Johnny Manziel’s growing chemistry with the team bench. “They haven’t had much time together yet, but Johnny is really beginning to gel with our bench,” said Pettine, adding that the Browns coaching staff has been incredibly pleased to see the ease and comfort with which their first-year signal caller has worked with the bench during practices and preseason games. “You can tell there’s a genuine sense of trust and a truly unspoken bond between the two. It’s a very natural relationship, and we’re very excited to see how it grows—so far, they’ve been practically inseparable.” Pettine added that given the way Manziel has clicked with the bench thus far, he believes the two have the potential to eventually become the Browns’ most prolific quarterback-bench tandem since the Brady Quinn era.

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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