adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Bruins Offer Coaching, Front-Office, Playing Position To Ray Bourque

BOSTON—Citing continued leadership problems at the executive and strategic levels, as well as the fact that they could use a little help on defense, Boston Bruins owner Jeremy Jacobs expressed interest in signing former All-Star captain Ray Bourque to help the struggling Bruins "in a variety of ways." "In addition to being a favorite of fans here in Boston, Ray Bourque is a proven champion," Jacobs said, referring to Bourque's 21 years with the Bruins and his brief stint with the Stanley Cup-winning Colorado Avalanche. "I believe the leadership, vision, and motivation he exhibited during two decades as a professional hockey player will translate extremely well to his new roles as head coach, general manager, and hockey player." The 45-year-old Bourque announced he is considering the offer, but will weigh it against the opportunity recently offered to him to become concessions, lighting, and entertainment director for Boston's TD Banknorth Garden.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close