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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Bruins Offer Coaching, Front-Office, Playing Position To Ray Bourque

BOSTON—Citing continued leadership problems at the executive and strategic levels, as well as the fact that they could use a little help on defense, Boston Bruins owner Jeremy Jacobs expressed interest in signing former All-Star captain Ray Bourque to help the struggling Bruins "in a variety of ways." "In addition to being a favorite of fans here in Boston, Ray Bourque is a proven champion," Jacobs said, referring to Bourque's 21 years with the Bruins and his brief stint with the Stanley Cup-winning Colorado Avalanche. "I believe the leadership, vision, and motivation he exhibited during two decades as a professional hockey player will translate extremely well to his new roles as head coach, general manager, and hockey player." The 45-year-old Bourque announced he is considering the offer, but will weigh it against the opportunity recently offered to him to become concessions, lighting, and entertainment director for Boston's TD Banknorth Garden.

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