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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Bruins Sign Future Flyers All-Star To Three-Year Deal

BOSTON—The Bruins agreed to terms Monday with 2005 second-round draft pick Petr Kalus, signing him to a three-year contract that NHL insiders predict will be just long enough for Kalus to evolve into an All-Star-caliber player before his inevitable trade to the perennial playoff contender Philadelphia Flyers. The Czech Republic native will follow former Bruin greats Sergei Samsonov and Joe Thornton in continuing the tradition of Boston players who were traded immediately before their breakout season. "We look forward to obstructing Petr's development during his three frustrating years in Boston, although we certainly dread watching his much better career after he blossoms into the Flyers' top point scorer," Bruins interim GM Jeff Gorton said. "I wouldn't be surprised to see him score 30 goals in a season, many of them against us." Over his three years in Boston, Kalus is expected to endure a brief stint in the minors, be called up by the cellar-dwelling Bruins, battle a series of avoidable minor injuries, get traded for two draft picks and a player to be named later to Philadelphia, and begin his run at being named MVP in 2009, 2010, and 2013.

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