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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Brunch Livened Up By Jazz Trio's Violent Breakup

SAN FRANCISCO—An ordinary Sunday afternoon brunch at Café Cleo was enlivened by an explosive physical exchange between members of jazz band Everywhere/Nowhere, which ended with saxophonist Dave Jeremy storming out of the eatery. "I was just sitting there eating my eggs Benedict with tempeh hash browns, and all a sudden the music stopped and I heard this loud 'crack' and a spit-covered mouthpiece whizzed past my head," said local silk-screen artist Sarah Wang, who was dining with poet Jenna Nowler and playwright James Lewis. "Not only did the jazz stop for a while, we also had something to talk about besides James' new one-act." After the breakup, the two remaining members of Everywhere/Nowhere played a 30-minute drum-and-bass version of "My Funny Valentine."

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