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Man Born With Face You Just Want To Punch

In case you missed last night's premiere of the second season of "Onion News Network", watch Jean Anne Whorton's touching portrait of a man who was born with a god-awful, hateful face.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Buck Showalter Terrified To Walk Alone To Mound At Night

BALTIMORE—Calling it “a bad part of the field, plain and simple,” Baltimore Orioles manager Buck Showalter told reporters Tuesday that he is terrified of walking to the Camden Yards pitcher’s mound by himself late at night. “It’s dangerous enough during day games, but you’re not going to see me out there on my own once the sun goes down,” said Showalter, adding that in the event he has no other choice but to make a visit to the hill at night, he takes a well-lit path and always makes sure to bring a catcher with him. “It’s a tough crowd that hangs out in this ballpark, but that mound is definitely the worst. I mean, I don’t want to sound racist here, but the last time I stopped by, there was this huge Mexican guy with a baseball bat standing no more than 60 feet and 6 inches away from me. No thank you.” Showalter added that he also makes sure to take a wide berth around Camden Yards’ perilous outfield, recounting how last fall he was robbed at knifepoint by Orioles right fielder Nick Markakis.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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