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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Buck Showalter Terrified To Walk Alone To Mound At Night

BALTIMORE—Calling it “a bad part of the field, plain and simple,” Baltimore Orioles manager Buck Showalter told reporters Tuesday that he is terrified of walking to the Camden Yards pitcher’s mound by himself late at night. “It’s dangerous enough during day games, but you’re not going to see me out there on my own once the sun goes down,” said Showalter, adding that in the event he has no other choice but to make a visit to the hill at night, he takes a well-lit path and always makes sure to bring a catcher with him. “It’s a tough crowd that hangs out in this ballpark, but that mound is definitely the worst. I mean, I don’t want to sound racist here, but the last time I stopped by, there was this huge Mexican guy with a baseball bat standing no more than 60 feet and 6 inches away from me. No thank you.” Showalter added that he also makes sure to take a wide berth around Camden Yards’ perilous outfield, recounting how last fall he was robbed at knifepoint by Orioles right fielder Nick Markakis.

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