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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Bucs To Talk With Marty Schottenheimer About How Lousy He Would Be

TAMPA, FL—The search for a new Buccaneers head coach has continued in Tampa Bay, where last week team management flew in Marty Schottenheimer, former NFL coach and current head of UFL’s Virginia Destroyers, to discuss how utterly terrible he would be in the position. “We were fascinated by Marty’s embarrassingly dated offensive philosophies, his inability to make defensive adjustments that optimize his on-field personnel, and his tendency to lose his cool in pressure-filled game situations,” said Bucs co-chairman Joel Glazer, adding that Schottenheimer has proven he has what it takes to win in the NFL “unless it’s an important game,” and furthermore would have “absolutely no idea” what to do with promising young quarterback Josh Freeman. “Plus, he’d probably bring in his idiot son Brian to coach the offense, completing a totally dismal package.” Sources close to the Buccaneers said the meeting “went very well” and Schottenheimer is now the leading candidate to take over the team.

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