Bud Selig Name-Drops Willie Mays At Party

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Vol 46 Issue 47

NBA Ref Accidentally Calls Offsides

SALT LAKE CITY—With 4.3 seconds left on the clock and the Jazz about to inbound the ball, NBA referee Ed Malloy whistled play dead and accidentally called the visiting Bucks for offsides Monday.

Enchanting Evening Spent With Parents, Friends Of Parents

LANSDALE, PA—According to delighted reports, 25-year-old Brian Hatcher spent a most exquisite Saturday evening in the enchanting company of not only his parents, Mike, 54, and Diane, 53, but also their dear friends and longtime canasta partners Doug and Trudy Blanchard, both 53.

Barry Sanders

Perhaps the most electrifying running back of all time, Barry Sanders walked away from the game in 1999 to backpack across Europe. Was he any good?
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UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

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Bud Selig Name-Drops Willie Mays At Party

ORLANDO, FL—While attending a recent party following one of Major League Baseball's winter meetings Monday, Commissioner Bug Selig mentioned Hall of Fame outfielder Willie Mays repeatedly throughout the night, recounting numerous anecdotes of meeting, talking to, and being in the same restaurant as the former Giant. "A couple of us were debating why home runs were down this year, when out of nowhere Bud jumps in telling us what his 'buddy Willie' said it was like to hit 500 home runs," New York Mets owner Fred Wilpon said. "He clearly wanted us to ask 'Willie who?' the entire time, but none of us would give him the satisfaction. Eventually he showed us that he had Willie Mays' number in his phone. It was pathetic." Later Selig was seen regaling New York Yankees owner Hal Steinbrenner with the story of the time he met Derek Jeter.

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