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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Bud Selig Nervously Informs Ozzie Guillen That White Sox Aren't Making Playoffs

CHICAGO—With the regular season winding down and the White Sox seven games out of first place, a sweating, visibly shaking Bud Selig entered Ozzie Guillen's office Monday to tell the notoriously proud, hot-tempered manager that his team had been eliminated from playoff contention. "Excuse me, Ozzie, or Mr. Guillen, whichever you prefer… Well, Mr. Guillen, sir, I'm afraid I need to tell you something, and well, it's about the whole October thing and the Twins and the Tigers and the playoffs start soon and…" the commissioner reportedly said before leaning on Guillen's desk and accidentally knocking over a picture frame and a can full of pencils. "The whole league, I just want you to know, we were all really pulling for you, really all year, just thought you were doing a tremendous job, and, well… Okay, well, I'm going to leave now. See you in… April, then?" Selig later announced that, due to a miscommunication, the White Sox would be facing the Yankees in the first round of the playoffs, and promised that he "will definitely make it up to the Tigers next year."

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