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Politics

Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Explaining that her statements indicated a failure to understand and implement the district’s goal of providing a comprehensive education to all children, Southwest High School officials reportedly fired ninth-grade history teacher Jennifer Steenman today after she was heard saying she learns more from her students than they do from her. Full article.

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Budget Cheat Day Lets Government Splurge On Anything It Wants Once A Week

WASHINGTON—With lawmakers on both sides of the aisle agreeing that everyone deserves to be a little naughty once in a while, sources revealed Thursday a newly enacted budget cheat day that allows government officials to splurge on spending once per week. “It’s so much easier to be fiscally responsible when you know that, come Saturday, you’ll get to indulge in whatever expenditures you want,” said Transportation Secretary Anthony Foxx, adding that he didn’t mind treating himself to a $200 billion upgrade of the nation’s interstate highway system if he’s “been good” during the preceding six days. “Honestly, I’d lose my mind if I had to stick to my allocated funds the whole week. Now I know that if I can just hang in there, there’s a massive investment in the nation’s freight infrastructure waiting for me on the weekend.” At press time, Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson was skipping budget cheat day, as he had reportedly been binging on immigration enforcement all week long and didn’t think he deserved it.

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