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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Buffalo Bills Acquire Final Piece Of Shit Of The Puzzle

BUFFALO, NY—In a move that will immediately impact a roster that is already full of shit, the Bills added what many believe will be the missing piece of shit to the team's puzzle Saturday by signing world-class shitass Terrell Owens. "With T.O., the Bills get a complete and total shit with the potential to generate more disappointment than anyone in Buffalo could have hoped for," said NFL.com senior analyst Pat Kirwan. "Throw him in with their pile-of-shit offensive line, future Hall of Fame shithead at running back, shitty quarterback, and shit-for-brains coach, and this team has everything in place needed to achieve its shitful potential." According to Bill's front-office dipshits, the team has the tenacity to fight for the full 60 minutes in the huddle, in the locker room, and in local strip club parking lots.

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