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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Bugs Infesting Area Apartment Have No Clear Goal

BUFFALO, NY—Residents in a downtown apartment questioned the goals and motives of the bugs infesting their home this week after watching cockroaches wander aimlessly from room to room with no apparent objective. "At first I thought they were just searching for food," Valerie Dicaro said Wednesday, adding that she figured the bugs would have their act together by now, considering it's been six months. "But then I saw a bunch of them in the hallway, where there's no food at all. What exactly is the game plan here?" Dicaro stated that if the bugs fail to make any progress soon, she might have to kill them.

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