adBlockCheck

Sports

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
End Of Section
  • More News

Bulls GM To Team: 'This Is New Head Coach Vinnie Del Negro; He'll Be Staying With Us For A While'

CHICAGO—Introducing Vinnie Del Negro as a "great guy who has just hit a rough patch and needs somewhere to stay," Bulls GM John Paxson introduced his team to their new head coach on Wednesday. "I want everyone to extend Vinnie every courtesy while he implements his offense and tries to get his life back together," Paxson told his team in the somewhat tense United Center meeting. "Look, you know how it is. You've been there. You lost 49 games last season, so don't judge. Just help him out. Let him sleep on the couch, and when he needs to talk about it, listen." An embarrassed Del Negro thanked the team for taking him in, and promised he would stay out of their way and move on again as soon as he felt he was ready.

More from this section

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close