Bunch Of Hick Nobodies Sue For Toxic-Waste Exposure

Top Headlines

Recent News

Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Productivity

Satisfaction

  • Man’s Body Running Out Of Ideas To Convince Him He Full

    BAYTOWN, TX—Having repeatedly ratcheted up the 34-year-old’s level of discomfort with no noticeable effect on his behavior, the body of local man Kent Dugan confirmed Wednesday that it was starting to run out of ideas to convince him that he was full.

Bunch Of Hick Nobodies Sue For Toxic-Waste Exposure

SHREWSBURY, WV—A bunch of local, piss-ant, hick nobodies filed a lawsuit against the Allegheny Electric Cooperative Monday, alleging that the company exposed residents to dangerous levels of mercury. "Just about everybody on the Kanawha [River] knows someone that's sick or died," some toothless rube told reporters. "It's all the waste they dump out the power plant. You can see it in the water, like liquid silver. We're not going to sit here and take it. No sir." According to Allegheny spokesman Thomas Gill, the bumpkins were somehow able to scrape together enough moonshine money "to get theyselves one of them fancy, big-city lawyers."