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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Buoyant Force On Area Object Equal To Weight Of Water Displaced

BROWNSVILLE, AR—An area object partially immersed in a liquid was buoyed upward Tuesday by a force equal to the weight of the liquid displaced by that object, witnesses at the scene reported. According to sources, opposing forces acted against gravity during the displacement. In addition, though the object reportedly seemed lighter, it only appeared weightless due to the fact that the density of the liquid surrounding it was only slightly greater than that of the object. As of press time, the object is still maintaining positive buoyancy.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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