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Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

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Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

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Burger King Fire Kills Seven Overweight Teenage Mothers:

Burger King

ATLANTA—Flames tore through an Atlanta-area Burger King Tuesday, killing seven overweight teenage mothers and leaving the restaurant's manager with an equal number of positions to fill before tomorrow's noon lunch rush.
"We've got all shifts available," manager Stephen Rollo said. "Day, night, weekends, you name it."

Rollo said the employees/young mothers who perished in the blaze fought bravely, but could not escape. "It was horrible. Lisa, Kathy, Dawn, Gina, LaTonya, Renee and Pam were all trapped behind a wall of flames. There was nothing we could do," he said.

While the cause of the fire remains a mystery, Rollo said that one thing is certain: "Those were seven very special, very courageous women, the kind that are not easily replaced," he said. "At least not on such short notice."

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