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NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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Burger King Fire Kills Seven Overweight Teenage Mothers:

Burger King

ATLANTA—Flames tore through an Atlanta-area Burger King Tuesday, killing seven overweight teenage mothers and leaving the restaurant's manager with an equal number of positions to fill before tomorrow's noon lunch rush.
"We've got all shifts available," manager Stephen Rollo said. "Day, night, weekends, you name it."

Rollo said the employees/young mothers who perished in the blaze fought bravely, but could not escape. "It was horrible. Lisa, Kathy, Dawn, Gina, LaTonya, Renee and Pam were all trapped behind a wall of flames. There was nothing we could do," he said.

While the cause of the fire remains a mystery, Rollo said that one thing is certain: "Those were seven very special, very courageous women, the kind that are not easily replaced," he said. "At least not on such short notice."

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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