adBlockCheck

Recent News

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
End Of Section
  • More News

Burglar Hiding In Pistorius' Bathroom Figures Now Probably His Best Chance To Escape

PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA—Over a week after Paralympic athlete Oscar Pistorius’ arrest for the alleged murder of his girlfriend, the burglar hiding inside the sprinter’s shower decided that now was probably his best chance to make his getaway from the residence. “Well, I guess the coast is finally clear,” said the 35-year-old robber, who broke into Pistorius’ home on Valentine’s Day, hid behind the shower curtain as the double-amputee shot his girlfriend, and evaded apprehension during the extensive investigation of the crime scene by quietly standing inside the bathroom tub for seven straight days. “Looks like they’re finally done poking around. I thought for sure Pistorius would think to look back here after his girlfriend died, or at least one of those detectives, but nope.” While slinking away from the residence, the burglar admitted he was especially lucky that the one detective who saw him hiding in the shower was too drunk to do anything about it.

More from this section

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close