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What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.
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Burglar Hiding In Pistorius' Bathroom Figures Now Probably His Best Chance To Escape

PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA—Over a week after Paralympic athlete Oscar Pistorius’ arrest for the alleged murder of his girlfriend, the burglar hiding inside the sprinter’s shower decided that now was probably his best chance to make his getaway from the residence. “Well, I guess the coast is finally clear,” said the 35-year-old robber, who broke into Pistorius’ home on Valentine’s Day, hid behind the shower curtain as the double-amputee shot his girlfriend, and evaded apprehension during the extensive investigation of the crime scene by quietly standing inside the bathroom tub for seven straight days. “Looks like they’re finally done poking around. I thought for sure Pistorius would think to look back here after his girlfriend died, or at least one of those detectives, but nope.” While slinking away from the residence, the burglar admitted he was especially lucky that the one detective who saw him hiding in the shower was too drunk to do anything about it.

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