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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Burned-Out Coffee-Shop Employee Just Lets Paul Simon Play For Fifth Time

PORTLAND, OR—Exhausted and beyond the point of caring what music she listens to while working, 22-year-old Espresso Royale Cafe employee Jennifer Bergstrom let Paul Simon's Graceland repeat in the coffee shop's CD player for a fifth time Monday. "I've already heard 'The Boy In The Bubble' four times today," Bergstrom said. "Would hearing Paul Simon sing, 'These are the days of miracle and wonder, this is a long-distance call,' one more damn time honestly make any difference at this point?" During her 10-hour shift, Bergstrom also listened to Natalie Merchant's Tigerlily three times and a Putumayo world-music compilation twice.

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