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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Bus Passenger Believes She Lives In World Where Curried Shrimp Is Odorless

PHILADELPHIA—According to several witnesses, bus passenger Marie Wallace apparently believes she exists in a universe wherein curried shrimp does not give off any odor. Wallace, who demonstrated her conviction Saturday by eating large amounts of the food from a Styrofoam container while traveling on a crowded Greyhound coach from Philadelphia to Boston, is reportedly under the impression that aromatic molecular compounds do not travel through space and react with olfactory chemoreceptor cells in the human nose. Passengers also suggested that Wallace believes sound waves do not carry within a narrow, enclosed vehicle, judging from the animated seven-minute phone conversation she had with her friend Deb about her friend Deb's ex-husband, Jim.

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