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Bus Passenger Stops Trying To Enjoy Kansas Scenery

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Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

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WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.

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FAIRFIELD, ME―Having seen more students than she can remember come into her office with complaints of nausea and vomiting over the years, Fairfield High School nurse Sarah Bromti told reporters Wednesday she’s getting to the point where she can identify morning sickness without much trouble.

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CHICAGO—Taking note of the man’s beat-up tennis shoes, sweat-drenched shirt, and ill-fitting pair of sweatpants as he made his way down the sidewalk, witnesses reported Tuesday that area jogger Dan Andreychuk was clearly out on his very first run of a plan to turn his life around.
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Bus Passenger Stops Trying To Enjoy Kansas Scenery

WALKER, KS–After several hundred miles of trying, Greyhound bus passenger Ed Costa finally aborted his attempt to enjoy the Kansas scenery Monday. "Fuck it," said Costa, turning his head from the window somewhere around Walker. "I've tried and tried to derive aesthetic pleasure from the view along I-70, but it's nothing but flat land as far as the eye can see." Costa said he was hoping to see "a hill that was even slightly rolling," but no luck.

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