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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Bus Passenger Suspects Man In Next Seat Might Be Having Conversation With Him

SPOKANE, WA–An hour after pulling out of Spokane Monday, Greyhound passenger Ed Comello began suspecting that the man in the next seat was having a conversation with him. "I was gazing silently out the window," Comello said, "and I could hear the guy next to me going on about having to get to Tacoma tonight and how 'if your mama's sick, you got to go visit her.' I assumed he was talking to the person across the aisle, but when I looked across, the seat was empty." Comello added that he was afraid to acknowledge the possible conversation for fear of prolonging it.

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Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.

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