Bus Rider Acting Like Fight Not Happening 4 Feet Away

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WASHINGTON—Visibly anxious after bringing his longtime girlfriend to local pub The Bier Baron, area man Noel Johnson reportedly got down on one knee Friday and finally mustered the courage to ask Amanda Spaid whether she was willing to settle for hi...

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Bus Rider Acting Like Fight Not Happening 4 Feet Away

CHICAGO—Steadfastly staring at his iPhone screen as the shouting grew louder, local man Kyle Rankin spent his bus ride Friday morning acting as if a rapidly escalating argument between two passengers was not happening directly across the aisle from him, sources confirm. “Get the fuck out of my face,” said one of the angry men as Rankin reportedly pretended to be engrossed in various features of his device and unaware of the two nearby men on the verge of physically assaulting one another. “I’m telling you, I will fuck you up. I will fuck you up!” At press time, the bus driver, who had been pretending he could not hear the two men threatening each other over the sound of the engine, briefly glanced in the rearview mirror.

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