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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Bus-Stop Ad Has More Legal Protections Than Average Citizen

BOSTON—According to the National Consumer Law Center, a bus-stop poster advertising the weight-loss pill TrimSpa has more legal protections than the average citizen. "The TrimSpa bus poster enjoys broad First and 14th Amendment coverage, as well as extensive deterrents to willful damage," NCLC spokesperson Angela Broadbent said. "Unfortunately, this is not true of claims made by citizens in regard to the ad, its product, or the Nutramerica Corporation." Nutramerica has brought a lawsuit against Broadbent and NCLC executives on charges of slander, libel, and conspiracy to undermine the public good.
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