WASHINGTON—Saying the finding would further scientists’ understanding of the most remote parts of the universe, NASA astronomers announced at a press conference Thursday that they had discovered a previously unknown cluster of nothingness in deep space.
OLYMPUS MONS—President Bush, who in 2004 announced his desire for a manned mission to Mars, was acquired by a prominent Martian zoo Monday. "The President Bush shall have every comfort of home," said an unknowable Martian intelligence whose name is unfathomable to the human mind. "He shall have his Oval Office, his baseball, and simulated humans from his natural habitat, and we shall watch him most closely, for he is adorable sitting at his desk." Zookeepers on the Red Planet hope Bush will mate with the other Earth mammal in the facility, a northern white rhino.