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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Bush Asks Advice For This Friend Of His Who Invaded Iraq

WASHINGTON—President George W. Bush has reportedly been soliciting advice from White House aides for a friend of his who ordered military forces to invade Iraq in 2003, sources said Wednesday. According to aides, Bush described his friend as a little taller than himself, a great guy when you get to know him, the president of a country, and somebody who's in a "really tough spot right now." "[Bush] told me that if I had any ideas about how his friend's military could withdraw from the region while keeping his nation's dignity intact and maintaining some semblance of victory, that I should let him know so he could give the message to his friend," said an aide who wished to remain anonymous. "When I asked him if this 'friend' of his was worried about his legacy, the president said he didn't know what I was talking about and walked away." Bush was later overheard asking a female White House aide what she would do if she found herself suddenly and uncontrollably attracted to ABC News political analyst George Stephanopoulos.

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Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

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