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Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today

Bewildered paralegal Caitlin Levy says that after returning home from work today, it occurred to her that, oddly, at no point during her day was she harassed, leered at, or made to feel humiliated or physically threatened.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:
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Bush Asks Advice For This Friend Of His Who Invaded Iraq

WASHINGTON—President George W. Bush has reportedly been soliciting advice from White House aides for a friend of his who ordered military forces to invade Iraq in 2003, sources said Wednesday. According to aides, Bush described his friend as a little taller than himself, a great guy when you get to know him, the president of a country, and somebody who's in a "really tough spot right now." "[Bush] told me that if I had any ideas about how his friend's military could withdraw from the region while keeping his nation's dignity intact and maintaining some semblance of victory, that I should let him know so he could give the message to his friend," said an aide who wished to remain anonymous. "When I asked him if this 'friend' of his was worried about his legacy, the president said he didn't know what I was talking about and walked away." Bush was later overheard asking a female White House aide what she would do if she found herself suddenly and uncontrollably attracted to ABC News political analyst George Stephanopoulos.

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Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:

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