Bush Bravely Leads 3rd Infantry Into Battle

Top Headlines

Politics

Candidate Profile: Bobby Jindal

Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal declared Wednesday his candidacy for the 2016 presidential nomination, although the Rhodes Scholar and one-time Republican rising star faces difficult odds in a jam-packed primary field. Here’s what you need to know about Jindal

Candidate Profile: Donald Trump

Billionaire real estate mogul and television personality Donald Trump announced Tuesday plans to run in the 2016 presidential election, marking the first time he will formally seek the Republican nomination after floating the idea in several previous election cycles. Here are some key facts to know about Trump:

Candidate Profile: Jeb Bush

Former Florida governor Jeb Bush announced his candidacy Monday for the Republican nomination in the 2016 presidential election, putting one of the early frontrunners in the polls officially into the race. Here are some key facts to know about Jeb Bush:

Candidate Profile: Rick Perry

Former Texas governor Rick Perry announced Thursday his candidacy for the 2016 presidential election, hoping to fare better than he did in his unsuccessful bid for the Republican nomination in 2012. Here’s what you need to know about Perry:

Candidate Profile: Lindsey Graham

South Carolina senator and retired Air Force colonel Lindsey Graham officially announced Monday that he will run in the 2016 presidential race, adding his name to the increasingly crowded Republican field. Here are some key facts to know about Graham

Candidate Profile: Martin O’Malley

Former Maryland governor and Baltimore mayor Martin O’Malley announced Saturday that he will enter the 2016 presidential race, becoming the third Democratic hopeful to officially declare his candidacy. Here are some key facts to know about O’Malley:

Candidate Profile: Rick Santorum

Former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum announced his candidacy for the 2016 presidential election on Wednesday, bringing the runner-up from the 2012 Republican primaries officially into the race. Here’s what you need to know about Santorum:

Features Of The Obama Presidential Library

Barack Obama announced Tuesday that his presidential library will be built on the South Side of Chicago, with construction on the ambitious project due for completion by 2020 or 2021. Here are some features the new library will contain

What Is A Super PAC?

The result of two controversial 2010 federal court cases removing traditional restrictions on political action committee spending, super PACs are expected to have a significant influence on the results of the 2016 elections. Here is everything you need to know about super PACs

Candidate Profile: Mike Huckabee

Former Arkansas governor and Fox News personality Mike Huckabee announced his 2016 presidential candidacy Tuesday, becoming the sixth Republican hopeful to officially enter the race. Here’s what you need to know about Huckabee

Who Is Ben Carson?

Retired neurosurgeon and rising conservative star Ben Carson announced his bid for the presidency Monday, the first African-American candidate of either major political party to do so. Here’s what you need to know about the Republican candidate:

Who Is Carly Fiorina?

Carly Fiorina, a former Silicon Valley executive, announced Monday her candidacy for the 2016 presidential election, becoming the first female Republican hopeful to officially launch a campaign. Here’s what you should know about Fiorina:

Who Is Bernie Sanders?

Independent Vermont senator and self-proclaimed “democratic socialist” Bernie Sanders officially declared his candidacy in the 2016 election Thursday.

Who Is Marco Rubio?

Following similar announcements by Ted Cruz and Rand Paul, Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) has become the third GOP candidate to declare his bid in the 2016 presidential race.

Hillary Clinton To Nation: ‘Do Not Fuck This Up For Me’

WASHINGTON—After several seconds spent sitting motionless and glaring directly into the camera, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton reportedly began Sunday’s video announcing her 2016 presidential bid by warning the nation not to fuck th...

Candidate Profile: Hillary Clinton

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is expected to officially announce her candidacy for the 2016 presidential election on Sunday, putting an end to months of speculation about her plans.

Who Is Rand Paul?

Kentucky senator Rand Paul announced Tuesday his plans to run for president in 2016, with the libertarian becoming the second Republican to officially declare his candidacy.

Gerrymandering Mishap Leaves Nation Without Any Borders Whatsoever

U.S. In Chaos After All District, State, National Boundaries Erased Overnight

WASHINGTON—Urging calm after citizens awoke to find the country’s political boundaries had disappeared completely, authorities announced Thursday that a devastating gerrymandering blunder had left the United States devoid of any district, stat...

Who Is Ted Cruz?

Texas senator Ted Cruz announced Monday that he will run for president in 2016, becoming the first Republican politician to officially declare his candidacy.

U.S. Worried About Living Up To Netanyahu Campaign Promises

WASHINGTON—Saying the Likud Party leader had set Israeli citizens’ expectations extremely high in the run up to his reelection Tuesday, top-level sources expressed their worry Wednesday about whether the United States would actually be able to...

A Timeline Of U.S.-Israel Relations

A congressional visit from Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu that has reportedly rankled President Obama is the latest issue in what have often been strained diplomatic ties between the two countries.

Keystone Veto Buys Environment At Least 3 Or 4 More Hours

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing the numerous ecological benefits of blocking the proposed legislation, experts confirmed Wednesday that President Obama’s decision to veto the Keystone XL pipeline bill should buy the environment an additional three or f...

Obama’s Plan For Fighting Extremism

President Obama spoke before gathered world leaders this week at a summit on extremism, discussing the root causes of such violence, weighing options for combating terrorist groups like ISIS and Boko Haram, and laying out a plan for curbing attacks.

Fact-Checking The State Of The Union Address

Addressing issues ranging from income inequality and tax reform to trade agreements and the Cuba embargo, President Obama offered arguments for a wide range of policy proposals in last night’s State of the Union.

First-Term Congressman Brings Fresh Roadblocks To Table

WASHINGTON—Praising the bold new perspective he has introduced to Congress since being sworn in last week, sources said Monday that first-term representative Barry Loudermilk (R-GA) has already brought a host of fresh roadblocks to the table.

The GOP’s Legislative Agenda

With the GOP formally taking control of Congress today following victories in November’s midterm elections, House and Senate Republicans are in a strong position to push their legislative agenda.

Schlubs From U.S., China Meet In Lowest-Level Talks

BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA—In an effort to strengthen diplomatic ties between the global superpowers’ most oafish representatives, sources confirmed Thursday that schlubs from the United States and China met in Australia this week for a series of low...

How Obama's Immigration Plan Would Work

President Obama has announced that he will take a series of executive actions to protect up to 5 million undocumented immigrants from deportation and help pave the way for those living in the country illegally to become U.S. citizens. Here is a step-by-step look at the president’s plan

Biden Tossed Out Of Car Passing By White House

WASHINGTON—At approximately 2 a.m. Thursday morning, White House sources confirmed that Vice President Joe Biden was forcibly pushed out the rear door of a moving 1980 Lincoln Town Car onto the curb outside 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Republicans Poised To Retain Control Of Senate

WASHINGTON—With precincts reporting GOP victories in key midterm election races nationwide, Beltway sources confirmed Tuesday that the Republican Party is poised to retain its complete control of the U.S.

The Onion’s Guide To Voting

Midterm elections are taking place today, with 36 Senate spots, all 435 House seats, and thousands of local posts to be decided at ballot boxes across the country.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fatherhood

Sleep

Bush Bravely Leads 3rd Infantry Into Battle

IRAQ-KUWAIT BORDER—As the U.S. Army's 3rd Infantry Division began its ground assault on Iraq Monday, President Bush marched alongside the front-line soldiers, bravely putting his own life on the line for his country by personally participating in the attack.

"Bush is the real deal, and when he talks about fighting for freedom, he means it," said Pvt. Tom Scharpling, 21. "He'd never ask one of us grunts to take any risks for our country that he wasn't willing to take himself."

A weary Bush marches through enemy territory near the Iraq-Kuwait border.

According to reports from the front, many of the soldiers were initially suspicious of the president, doubtful that an Ivy Leaguer who once used powerful family connections to avoid service in Vietnam had what it took to face enemy fire head-on. However, Bush—or, as his fellow soldiers nicknamed him in a spirit of battlefield camaraderie, 'Big Tex'—quickly overcame the platoon's reluctance to having a "fancy-pants Yalie" in its ranks.

"Bush is the best soldier I've ever had the honor of fighting alongside," said Pvt. Jon Benjamin, 23. "I'd take a bullet for that man, because I know he'd take one for me if he had to."

Proving himself a worthy foot soldier, Bush has earned the respect of his fellow front-line combatants with acts of courage and heroism that one soldier called "a truly inspiring example of one man's commitment to the cause of liberty."

"Just yesterday, George stormed an Iraqi machine-gun nest when our sergeant took one in the belly," Pvt. Scott "Lumpy" Fellers, 20, told reporters. "We were pinned down, cut off from our division, and it looked like curtains for us all. Thankfully, George was there. He ran through heavy artillery fire and lobbed a grenade right into their bunker. If it hadn't been for him, God knows how many of us would've been coming home in body bags."
"It's not just any president who would risk his life like the nation's men in uniform do," Fellers added. "God bless him and everything he stands for."

Bush's courage, sources say, was evident from the earliest stages of the war's planning. Though the Pentagon initially wanted an air war with minimal ground combat, Bush quickly dismissed this strategy, insisting that the only way a true and lasting victory could be achieved was to go in and fight—dune by dune, village by village—until Iraq was finally free.
White House sources say Bush's decision to place his own life on the line for his country met with resistance from top military leaders.

"The Joint Chiefs of Staff kept telling him, 'Mr. President, we beg you—stay here in Washington, where it's safe.' But George was having none of it," said Maj. Gen. Buford Blount, commander of the 3rd Infantry. "He was adamant that if our boys overseas were going to risk their lives for liberty, he was going to do the same. And, by God, he proved himself a man of his word."

The president has only been in battle for less than a week, but he has already proven himself more than willing to put himself in the line of fire.

"The president carried me through an enemy minefield after my arm had been blown off by a mortar shell, blazing away with his pistol as he delivered me to safety," Pvt. Chris Adair said.

"Then, after he'd gotten me to a medic, he went all the way back through that same minefield—carrying a 40-pound bag of ice the whole way—to retrieve my severed arm so the doctors could sew it back on. Now, thanks to President Bush, I'll still be able to play piano for the church choir back home in Appleton, just like I promised Grandma. He is truly an American hero."

Adair's comments were echoed by many of the soldiers fighting alongside Bush.

"I used to be cynical about politicians who are born into privilege and wealth. I thought, 'Sure, they talk a good game about our duty to protect democracy, but when push comes to shove, they'd rather send off the nation's poor, uneducated, and underprivileged to do the fighting for them,'" said Pvt. Frank Elkins, 19. "I always figured they'd rather see somebody else die in some foreign land than make that sacrifice themselves. But now I know I was wrong."

"There may be some folks out there, born silver spoon in hand, who'd act that way, but that ain't Bush. No, that ain't Bush," Elkins said. "He ain't no fortunate son."

Next Story