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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Bush Celebrates Millionth Utterance Of 'Lessons Of Sept. 11'

NEW YORK (Sept. 3)—The already jubilant mood of the Republican National Convention was given a further boost Thursday night when, during his closing address at Madison Square Garden, President Bush uttered the phrase "the lessons of Sept. 11" for the one-millionth time. "The American people have risen to the challenges of the past three years, working tirelessly to ensure that the world will never forget...the lessons of Sept. 11," Bush said and outstretched his arms as balloons and confetti rained down on the delegates, whose deafening cheers lasted nearly five minutes. To make the event possible, Bush crammed hundreds of references to the "lessons of Sept. 11" into campaign speeches during the days leading up to the speech, sometimes simply chanting the four words repeatedly for several minutes.

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