adBlockCheck

Bush Cuts Off Diplomatic Relations With Congress

Top Headlines

Politics

Financially Struggling Trump Campaign Holds Fundraising Riot

NEWARK, NJ—Having raised only $3.1 million last month despite clinching the Republican nomination and with just $1.3 million on hand, Donald Trump’s presidential campaign sought a much-needed injection of cash Wednesday by holding a fundraising riot in Newark, sources confirmed.

Trump’s Potential VP Picks

Here is a guide to presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump’s potential running mates in the 2016 presidential election

47 Weak-Willed Senators Bend To Interests Of Powerful American People

WASHINGTON—Saying the closely watched Senate vote clearly demonstrated where the elected officials’ loyalties lay, political observers confirmed that 47 weak-willed lawmakers bent to the interests of the powerful American public Monday by voting in favor of measures that would bar anyone on government terror watchlists from purchasing firearms.

Nation Clinging Desperately To Brief Inspirational Moment Before Being Thrust Back Into Raging Election Maelstrom

WASHINGTON—Following Hillary Clinton’s primary victories Tuesday that presumably secured her place as the first woman in U.S. history to receive a major party’s presidential nomination, citizens across the nation admitted to reporters they were desperately clinging to the brief moment of inspiration before they are inevitably thrust back into the raging black maelstrom of the 2016 election.

Campaign Announces Clinton Has Entered Incubation Period After Securing Nomination

Candidate Transitioning Into Mature Presidential Form Inside Cocoon, Aides Say

NEW YORK—Immediately after she clinched the 2,383 delegates needed to secure the Democratic presidential nomination Monday night, campaign aides announced that Hillary Clinton had retreated to a dark corner of her Brooklyn headquarters and entered the beginning of a 16-week incubation period.

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Donald Trump’s Campaign: Myth Vs. Fact

Donald Trump’s political positions, personal history, and potential governing style have been the subject of much debate throughout the 2016 election. The Onion separates myth from fact in this breakdown of Trump’s campaign:

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Bush Cuts Off Diplomatic Relations With Congress

WASHINGTON, DC—President Bush announced Monday that his administration will permanently sever ties with the democratically controlled United States Congress, ending a nearly 220-year-old alliance between the two governmental branches.

"Our administration no longer recognizes the authority of this rogue body," said Bush in a televised Oval Office address. "Clearly, these combative men and women have a political agenda in direct opposition to our own. They have no concern for my national interests, and have left me no choice."

After six years of cordial relations between the executive and legislative branches of government, tensions flared up in January when Congress came under the control of "hostile new leadership." After a dramatic standoff last week over American policy in Iraq, the president openly denounced Congress, refused to accept calls from majority leaders, and returned Congress–approved legislation unsigned and unread.

In addition to his decision to cut off all communication, collaboration, and trade of ideas with the House and Senate, Bush also issued an executive order, effective immediately, removing all White House officials from the U.S. Capitol. Most prominent among those recalled was Vice President Dick Cheney, who also serves as the President of the Senate several days per year. Cabinet members who had been giving testimony before Congressional committees were quickly ushered to the roof of the Senate wing of the Capitol, where they boarded Marine One, the presidential helicopter, and were flown back to the White House.

<p>"I will withhold judgment until Congress has voted on the matter."</p> <p><b>Senate Majority Leader<BR> Harry Reid (D&#8211;NV)</b></p>
<p>"These people hate America, <br> and they hate freedom."</p> <p><b>White House Press<BR> Secretary Tony Snow</b></p>

Cheney, speaking from an undisclosed location, said the White House's policy toward a Democratic Congress has always been regime change.

"These people acted as though they had control over domestic issues, and were threatening to affect international policy, as well," Cheney said. "It was clearly time to put a check on this antiquated, ineffective system of checks and balances."

Bush also increased the presence of Secret Service personnel stationed at the checkpoints connecting the Capitol to the White House.

Despite the president's move, several officials close to Bush believe there are a small group of reformers within Congress who remain loyal to Bush.

"It is our duty to protect these brave dissidents however we can," White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said. "To that end, we are providing them safe haven and financial aid, in hopes that they will some day rise to power and restore relations with the chief executive of the United States of America."

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D–NV) spoke out against Bush's actions, saying his adherents "will not back down in the face of such a fearsome enemy."

"We will not be cowed by this administration," said Reid, adding that Congress will continue to draft legislation "with or without" the blessing of the executive branch. "We certainly do not intend to recognize the president's order until it is voted on by the duly elected lawmakers who are in charge of such matters."

Bush's call for sanctions against Congress and increased funding for National Guard troops to patrol Senate grounds is currently held up in the Senate Ways and Means Committee.

Despite lawmakers' threats, the Bush administration made it clear that it is not only severing ties to Congress, but also to anyone who offers the legislative body aid, comfort, or votes.

"The people who support these leaders are just as culpable as the leaders themselves,"  Bush said. "My administration will not engage in discussions with any federal or state office that continues to recognize this irrelevant governing body."

After delivering his announcement, President Bush reportedly entered a closed-door meeting with several key Cabinet members where his privatized Social Security plan was drafted, voted on, and subsequently passed into law.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close