adBlockCheck

Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
End Of Section
  • More News

Bush Frustrated By Mother's Constant Questioning Of His Plans Post-White House

WASHINGTON—With his departure from office only weeks away, President George W. Bush told reporters Monday that he is "fed up" with the way his mother, former first lady Barbara Bush, keeps pestering him about his post–Oval Office plans.

"Every time I see her it's 'have you thought about your future' this, and 'do you know where you're gonna put your presidential library' that," said Bush, who will be moving out of the White House on Jan. 20. "It's like, I'll just get a job as a CEO or board chairman or something. My God, quit worrying about it. I'm 62 years old, for Christ's sake!"

Bush, who has prepared for the end of his second term by learning to play guitar and visiting friends across the country, said he will be "just fine" once he gets out into the real world.

"I might not have the most experience, and I don't have a lot of practical skills, either, but I need to figure this out for myself," Bush said. "I mean, you don't see Cheney's parents riding him about this stuff."

Reached for comment at her summer home in Kennebunkport, ME, Barbara Bush claimed that she only wants what is best for the president, and hopes that he will become more responsible and self-reliant in years to come. Her son, she said, would never even have gotten his job at the White House had she and her husband not "pulled a few strings."

"He's spent the last five or six years fooling around and experimenting with this little Iraq thing he likes so much, but now it's time for him to get serious," Mrs. Bush said. "And if he thinks he's just going to come live with us when this is over, he's got another thing coming."

"Our baby [former Florida governor] Jeb [Bush] already took his old room anyway," she added.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close