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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Bush Has One Of Those Days Where He Feels Like 68 Percent Of People Hate Him

WASHINGTON, DC—In an East Room press conference Tuesday, President Bush told reporters that he had the "sneaking feeling" that 68 percent of the U.S. population hated his guts that day.

"Maybe it's just me, but when I woke up this morning, it really seemed like 60 percent of men and 77 percent of women didn't want to have anything to do with me," Bush said. "I'm even getting the feeling that nearly two out of every three people who identify themselves as devout Christians—people who usually love me—are giving me the cold shoulder lately."

Though Bush admitted he found it "disquieting" that more than two-thirds of the country thinks he is not the right man to lead the nation, he assured the public that he "won't let it affect the way [he does his] job in any way."

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