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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Bush Puts National Guard In Charge Of Public Relations

WASHINGTON, DC—Characterizing the move as a "dramatic new change in the way this administration relates to the public," President Bush ordered the immediate deployment of 6,000 National Guard troops to White House media and public-relations posts throughout the country. "My fellow Americans, we are at war. I have mobilized our brave troops to a position where they can advance my policy objectives to the press and the American people directly," Bush said during a brief press conference, supervised by the newly created Virginia 82nd Airborne Community Outreach Multimedia Battalion. Critics say Bush is putting additional strain on Guard members already stretched thin from their service as replacement legislators in the House and Senate.

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