Bush To Meet With Agriculture Secretary Down In The Holler

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Vol 44 Issue 06

Patriots' Season Perfect For Rest Of Nation

FOXBOROUGH, MA—As the once-invincible, still-insufferable Patriots attempt to come to grips with their 17-14 Super Bowl loss to the Giants, the death of their dream to go undefeated, and the possible end of their dynasty, almost every other...

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RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Bush To Meet With Agriculture Secretary Down In The Holler

WASHINGTON—Deputy Secretary of Agriculture Charles F. Conner told reporters Tuesday that he plans to meet later this week with President George W. Bush down in the holler, just up over to the crick, where it's sometimes hard to tell where the fireflies end and the stars begin. "I done tole George we need to talk 'bout that $37 billion farm bill he's fixing to veto," said Conner, who last met with Bush in June under them big ol' oak bluffs, back when it felt like summer stretched clear on out to forever. "Seems to me he oughtn't be lettin' it become law on account of it containin' increased crop-loan rates and target prices. I tell ya, though, that boy do go on sometimes." The president could not be reached for comment as he was out 'round back the shed making all kinds of ruckus with them hound dogs he loves so much.
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