Bush Told To Sign Birthday Treaty For Someone Named 'Kyoto'

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Vol 44 Issue 34

Bigfoot Corpse A Fraud

Members of Searching For Bigfoot, Inc. said they had been tricked into buying a fake sasquatch body from an ex-policeman. What do you think?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Bush Told To Sign Birthday Treaty For Someone Named 'Kyoto'

WASHINGTON—Enlisted by members of the House and Senate, presidential aide Rebecca Tandy brought a copy of the international climate-change treaty to President Bush's desk Monday and asked him to sign a birthday document for a Japanese dignitary named "Kyoto Protocol." "Mr. Protocol really likes treaties, so we got him this treaty instead of a card, so if you could just—all the other countries have already signed it," a nervous Tandy reportedly said to Bush, who quickly scrawled his signature on the treaty and told her to tell Kyoto he said "hi." "And now, if you could just initial here, and here, and here, and, oh, you can ignore all that stuff about sulfides. That's just an inside joke." House Speaker Nancy Pelosi later attempted to get Bush to sign a "bar mitzvah stop-use agreement" for the son of Mr. and Mrs. Ben Clusterbomb.

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