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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Bush Trying To Decide How To Spend His Tax Refund

WASHINGTON, DC–Four days after signing a $1.35 trillion tax-cut bill, George W. Bush spent Monday trying to decide how he will spend his $300 refund check. "Maybe I'll buy some new wireless speakers," said the excited president, flipping through a Sharper Image catalog. "Or maybe I could get this massage chair." After noting the massage chair's $720 price tag, Bush said he "wouldn't rule out" passing an additional $1.9 trillion cut to get the extra $420.

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