adBlockCheck

Sports

Scientology Minister Accused Of Molesting Thetans

The Church of Scientology plunged into scandal Thursday when Frank D. Linehan, a prominent minister who has helped thousands of parishioners move up the Bridge to Total Freedom and achieve Clear, was arrested on 471 charges of molesting alien thetans.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
End Of Section
  • More News

Buster Olney Encourages His Children to Submit Any Questions They Might Have About Homework, Sex, or Trade Rumors to @Buster_ESPN

YORKTOWN HEIGHTS, NY—ESPN baseball writer Buster Olney sat his kids down Monday evening to tell them they could always bring any questions about school, reproductive health, Alfonso Soriano's contract, or anything else on their minds to him on Twitter. "I don't care what the question is, whether it's about long division, having wet dreams, run differential, or whatever, I'm your dad and I'm going to tweet you back," said Olney, reminding his children that any prospective trade acquisition they asked about at this point in the season would have to first pass through waivers. "I do get a lot of tweets, so you guys may want to use a hashtag like #olneyfamily to make sure I see it, but the important thing to know is that I will always be there for you on social media." Olney cautioned his kids to type @Buster_ESPN with an underscore, claiming there was "some guy" with the Twitter handle @BusterESPN pretending to be him.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings