adBlockCheck

Recent News

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Busy, Busy Postindustrial Society

It's a fine day in Activeville! Everyone is hustling and bustling around, looking as if they have things to do! But you know what? They actually don't!

Once upon a time, years and years ago, the citizens of Activeville did have many, many things to do—back when Activeville was the #1 manufacturer of chemically synthesized dyes and machine-tooled industrial parts in all of Happyland.

But times changed, and the things the citizens of Activeville did to stay busy moved to other places like Pickletown and Peppermint City. Sometimes these things traveled far, far away from Happyland itself, to places where people speak other languages and did not need to be paid nearly as much.

Now, just about all the people of Activeville can do is drink coffee, shop and earn liberal-arts degrees! Do you live in a place like Activeville, too? Look at these page and see how many things you recognize!

Starbucks Overpriced fashion boutique

Goths

Starbucks                  Overpriced fashion boutique

Squad car Hippie

         Goths

Recent college graduate

Squad car                 &nbsp        &nbsp         Hippie

Recent college graduate

College students, duffle bag, vagabond

 

Duffel bag         College students   Vagabond

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close