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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Busy, Busy Postindustrial Society

It's a fine day in Activeville! Everyone is hustling and bustling around, looking as if they have things to do! But you know what? They actually don't!

Once upon a time, years and years ago, the citizens of Activeville did have many, many things to do—back when Activeville was the #1 manufacturer of chemically synthesized dyes and machine-tooled industrial parts in all of Happyland.

But times changed, and the things the citizens of Activeville did to stay busy moved to other places like Pickletown and Peppermint City. Sometimes these things traveled far, far away from Happyland itself, to places where people speak other languages and did not need to be paid nearly as much.

Now, just about all the people of Activeville can do is drink coffee, shop and earn liberal-arts degrees! Do you live in a place like Activeville, too? Look at these page and see how many things you recognize!

Starbucks Overpriced fashion boutique

Goths

Starbucks                  Overpriced fashion boutique

Squad car Hippie

         Goths

Recent college graduate

Squad car                 &nbsp        &nbsp         Hippie

Recent college graduate

College students, duffle bag, vagabond

 

Duffel bag         College students   Vagabond

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