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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Busy Mom Wishes She Had Enough Spare Time To Fuck CIA Director

MEDIA, PA—Folding laundry Thursday morning as she watched television coverage of the latest revelations in the affair between Gen. David Petraeus and his biographer Paula Broadwell, local mother Dinah Cooley told reporters she wished she had enough time to fuck the director of the CIA once in a while. “What I wouldn’t give to just drop everything, slip away for a little while, and fuck a CIA director,” Cooley said with a huff, adding that she doesn’t understand why it’s always someone else who gets to have fun fucking high-ranking military and intelligence officers. “Between cooking three meals a day, chauffeuring the kids around, and keeping this house in order, I barely have time to fuck a low-level CIA operative, much less the director of the whole agency. And even if I did get an hour alone with him, I’d probably be too exhausted to really get anything out of it.” Sighing softly as she returned to her work, Cooley added that she would just have to settle with fucking her neighbor for now.

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