Busy Mom Wishes She Had Enough Spare Time To Fuck CIA Director

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Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.

Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions

MINNEAPOLIS—His mouth going dry and his palms growing sweaty as he arrived at the offices of Regent Advertising Partners to interview for an open account manager position, local man Devin McKee reportedly prayed Thursday that the hiring manager wouldn’t ask him any questions during their meeting.

Man Had No Idea Cough Was Going To Be Wet One

MUSKEGON, MI—Caught completely off guard by the viscous lump of sputum that was dislodged and sent rocketing upward from his lower respiratory tract, area man Luke Reese confirmed Wednesday he had no idea his impending cough was going to be a wet one.

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JOHNSTOWN, PA—Saying it was the only factor he considered when deciding who to cast his ballot for, local man William Swanson, 44, told reporters Thursday he is strictly a single-gender voter.

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MALVERN, PA—Silently wondering throughout the hour-long appointment if there was anything she could be doing to enhance the experience, local woman Caitlyn Leigh reportedly worried Wednesday that she was doing a bad job enjoying the full-body massage she was receiving.

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Mom On Vacation Marveling At Time Difference Compared To Home

SAN DIEGO—Having already pointed out when everyone back home was getting off work and when the local nightly news was starting, area mother Pam Westin spent much of the first day of her family’s week-long California vacation marveling at the time difference compared to where they lived, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Busy Mom Wishes She Had Enough Spare Time To Fuck CIA Director

MEDIA, PA—Folding laundry Thursday morning as she watched television coverage of the latest revelations in the affair between Gen. David Petraeus and his biographer Paula Broadwell, local mother Dinah Cooley told reporters she wished she had enough time to fuck the director of the CIA once in a while. “What I wouldn’t give to just drop everything, slip away for a little while, and fuck a CIA director,” Cooley said with a huff, adding that she doesn’t understand why it’s always someone else who gets to have fun fucking high-ranking military and intelligence officers. “Between cooking three meals a day, chauffeuring the kids around, and keeping this house in order, I barely have time to fuck a low-level CIA operative, much less the director of the whole agency. And even if I did get an hour alone with him, I’d probably be too exhausted to really get anything out of it.” Sighing softly as she returned to her work, Cooley added that she would just have to settle with fucking her neighbor for now.


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