adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

Busy Referee Regrets Not Finding Time To Throw Flag Around With Son

TAMPA, FL—NFL referee Bob Turner wishes he could find more time to be at home throwing a flag around with his 8-year-old son, the veteran official said Friday. “Every dad wants the chance to spend some quality time in the backyard with his kid, tossing a flag on the ground, but traveling across the country every week means I don’t get to do that very often,” said Turner, who fondly remembers throwing a flag around with his own referee father. “One of these days I’m going to come home from a Super Bowl, want to throw the flag on the grass with him, and he’s not going to be a kid anymore.” Turner also admitted he sometimes worries his absence will lead the boy to fall in with the wrong crowd, and dreads the thought of getting a call at 3 a.m. notifying him his son has been charged with a face-masking penalty.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close