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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Patriotic Teen Fails Spanish

Jean Anne Whorton goes Beyond The Facts, talking to the high school sophomore who has become a conservative hero for refusing to learn his Spanish vocabulary.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Busy Referee Regrets Not Finding Time To Throw Flag Around With Son

TAMPA, FL—NFL referee Bob Turner wishes he could find more time to be at home throwing a flag around with his 8-year-old son, the veteran official said Friday. “Every dad wants the chance to spend some quality time in the backyard with his kid, tossing a flag on the ground, but traveling across the country every week means I don’t get to do that very often,” said Turner, who fondly remembers throwing a flag around with his own referee father. “One of these days I’m going to come home from a Super Bowl, want to throw the flag on the grass with him, and he’s not going to be a kid anymore.” Turner also admitted he sometimes worries his absence will lead the boy to fall in with the wrong crowd, and dreads the thought of getting a call at 3 a.m. notifying him his son has been charged with a face-masking penalty.

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