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Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Busy Romney Sorry He Missed Nation's Piano Recital

WASHINGTON—Speaking at a press conference on behalf of presidential candidate Mitt Romney, campaign spokeswoman Andrea Saul told the American public how deeply sorry the GOP frontrunner was to have missed the nation's piano recital Saturday. "Mr. Romney knows how important it was to you, and he wanted to be there, he really did, but sometimes people running for office are very busy and have to spend the whole weekend at rallies in Wisconsin," said Saul, adding that the former Massachusetts governor understood how disappointing it must have been for the nation to look up and see that empty chair in the front row. "He's been briefed on how well you played, though, and he wanted me to tell you he's very proud of you and can't wait for the next recital. Not only will he be there, but he's promised to take everyone out for ice cream afterward." According to sources, Romney wanted to wake up the nation and apologize, but was told by his angry wife, Ann, that the country had just cried itself to sleep and didn't want to see the Republican candidate right now.

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

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