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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Butler Bulldogs Inspire Thousands Of Tall, Goony-Looking Midwestern Dorks

INDIANAPOLIS—Butler's Final Four appearance—its second in as many years—has inspired and energized not only the state of Indiana but thousands of tall, awkward, acne-riddled Midwestern dopes who reportedly see a lot of themselves in the Division I basketball team. "The Bulldogs aren't just a mid-major surprise anymore—they're the real deal," one lanky, bucktoothed 16-year-old goof told reporters Friday. "It just goes to show that you can make something of yourself even if you're gangly, uncoordinated, and mostly made of elbows and knees. With an oversized head. And really droopy eyes. And pasty skin with weird freckles. And no friends." Similarly, in Virginia, the bold, charismatic leadership of VCU's head coach Shaka Smart has inspired two people with the first name Shaka.

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