adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Butler Bulldogs Inspire Thousands Of Tall, Goony-Looking Midwestern Dorks

INDIANAPOLIS—Butler's Final Four appearance—its second in as many years—has inspired and energized not only the state of Indiana but thousands of tall, awkward, acne-riddled Midwestern dopes who reportedly see a lot of themselves in the Division I basketball team. "The Bulldogs aren't just a mid-major surprise anymore—they're the real deal," one lanky, bucktoothed 16-year-old goof told reporters Friday. "It just goes to show that you can make something of yourself even if you're gangly, uncoordinated, and mostly made of elbows and knees. With an oversized head. And really droopy eyes. And pasty skin with weird freckles. And no friends." Similarly, in Virginia, the bold, charismatic leadership of VCU's head coach Shaka Smart has inspired two people with the first name Shaka.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close