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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Buttons Just Don't Disappear, Reports Woman On Hands And Knees

ANN ARBOR, MI—Although there is a slim chance the darn things might have rolled under the stove, Michigan resident Irene Sullivan, 50, stated conclusively Sunday that buttons, like the nice red ones on her favorite sweater, cannot simply vanish without a trace. "I know they don't just sprout legs and walk away, that's for sure," Sullivan told reporters from her position on all fours below the kitchen table. "Oh, for crying out loud, is that a baby carrot under the fridge?" The mother of two could not provide any further information as to why these things always happen right before church, but did refer back to an earlier declaration that if it's not one thing, it's another.

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