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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Buying Someone A Drink

When you see someone you're interested in during a night out, it's common to buy them a drink. Here are some etiquette guidelines to consider before you make your move:

  • If the person's current drink is not quite gone, wait until it's completely finished before dumping the one you just bought into their glass.
  • Never slide a drink to someone farther than 16 stools down the bar.
  • Don't forget to give the person a copy of the check, that way they'll know exactly how much to reimburse you.
  • While it'd be pretty cool to wait until a song on the jukebox about buying someone a drink came on before walking up to the person and singing along with the words, don't wait too long for that to happen. There aren't really many songs like that.
  • If you are at a popular chain restaurant, remember that in addition to a drink, it's also customary to buy the person a basket of loaded potato skins.
  • If you do not receive the attention you want from the drink recipient, be sure to request that they give the drink back so you can pass the unconsumed portion on to the next most attractive person at the bar.

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