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How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
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Entertainment

C-SPAN Ratings Up Following Addition Of 'The House Of Representatives Dancers'

WASHINGTON, DC—C-SPAN viewership rose an impressive 21 percent during the latest Nielsen ratings period, an increase C-SPAN executives are attributing to the cable channel's recent addition of The House Of Representatives Dancers.

C-Span

The dancers, an ethnically diverse sextet of young women who launch into high-energy hip-hop dance routines during lulls in congressional sessions, made their debut April 25 and have quickly become one of C-SPAN's most popular features.

"I used to switch channels during those long, boring House votes and filibuster speeches," Norwalk, CT, C-SPAN viewer Randolph Groelke said. "But now those are my favorite parts."

Said C-SPAN president Edward Rumsfeld: "We are deeply indebted to Kim, Randi, Dayna and all the other Fly Honeys on the H. of R. Dancer Krew for expanding our viewer base and introducing a broader demographic to the exciting world of federal legislation."

Special commendation was also awarded to DJ Funkmaster G, for "throwing down the beats which are sufficiently phat to accompany our nation's elected officials. Thanks to his tireless efforts on the turntables, the House Of Representatives is representin' coast-to-coast and worldwide."

To accommodate the newest stars of C-SPAN's daily broadcasts, the House chamber was widened considerably in April to add a light-up dance floor and a wall of video screens to the right of the Speaker's chair. A graffiti-strewn brick wall has been installed behind the speaker's podium to give the chamber a "street-scene" ambiance.

Next week's schedule on C-SPAN calls for debate on a possible revision to current AFDC law, voting on a controversial Florida Wetlands preservation bill, and "Gonna Make You Sweat" by C+C Music Factory.

The dancers are the first major addition to C-SPAN since the May 1997 introduction of "Mr. Slotnik," Congress' cantankerous landlord.

If C-SPAN's ratings remain up, the network plans to add a kickboxing segment to Senate proceedings.

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