C-SPAN Releases Too Hot For C-SPAN! Video

Top Headlines


Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

Presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sparred over subjects including foreign policy, the economy, and their fitness to hold the nation’s highest office in the final debate Wednesday. The Onion examines the validity of their assertions

Intergalactic Law Enforcement Officers Place Energy Shackles On Hillary Clinton

PARADISE, NV—Materializing through a dimensional portal in front of a stunned audience at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, intergalactic law enforcement officers reportedly appeared onstage during Wednesday night’s presidential debate and placed a pair of glowing blue energy shackles on Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.

Trump Complains Entire Personality Rigged Against Him

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Responding to his flagging poll numbers and a string of newspaper editorials and cable news pundits questioning his fitness to lead, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly complained to a rally crowd Thursday that for the entirety of this race, his personality has been rigged against him.

Fact-Checking The Second Presidential Debate

Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump discussed topics including national security, taxes, and their ongoing personal scandals in a contentious town hall presidential debate Sunday. The Onion evaluates the truthfulness of their claims

Trump Vomits Immediately After Seeing Everyday Americans Up Close

ST. LOUIS—His face turning deathly pale and beads of cold sweat forming on his brow as he took his seat for the town hall forum at Washington University, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly vomited directly onto the debate stage Sunday night upon viewing everyday Americans up close.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

C-SPAN Releases Too Hot For C-SPAN! Video

WASHINGTON, DC—In the cable network's first-ever foray into the home-video market, C-SPAN released Too Hot For C-SPAN! Tuesday.

A GATT-treaty debate gets out of hand as enraged U.S. Rep. John McCaskill (D-CA) charges Rep. Walter Fordice (R-NH) during a 1996 congressional session.

The 60-minute, $19.95 videotape features what its packaging describes as "wild and sexy congressional outtakes you won't see on basic cable."

"Sometimes, the action in the House and Senate gets a little out of control, and footage must be held back from the general public," C-SPAN spokesperson Larry Jainchill said. "But now, for the first time ever, you can see it all. Too Hot For C-SPAN! is your front-row ticket to all the outrageous, uncensored action."

In one typical segment, Rep. Henry Waxman (D-CA) argues against the passage of HR-4236, the Omnibus Parks And Public Lands Management Act, calling it "a clear case of Republican pork-barrel politics gone awry." Angered by Waxman's disparaging remarks, the bill's co-sponsor, Rep. James Talent (R-MO) shouts at him, "That's it, bitch, I'm through with your ass," and charges the podium. He then tackles Waxman, pulling his hair and punching him several times before a muscular congressional page pulls the legislators apart.

In another segment, Sen. Bob Graham (D-FL), angered by Sen. Don Nickles' (R-OK) call for a 1.3 percent increase in federal interstate subsidies over the next five years, calls Nickles "a dumb Oklahoma hick who can't get none of his shit approved in the Senate." Nickles responds by calling Graham a "fat Florida fuck" and charges at him. As the livid Nickles is dragged back to his seat by several Republican colleagues, he shouts at Graham: "You just a temporary thang, Bob Graham. Your ass gonna be voted out of office this November. Me, I gots me a 83 percent approval rating in my home district, so I ain't going nowhere—I'm forever, bitch!"

While a majority of Too Hot For C-SPAN!'s content is violent, it does also contain a substantial amount of sexually explicit material. Just before proposing an amendment to Sec. 11, Par. B of the the Hawkins-Taylor Clean Water Act, Sen. Barbara Mikulski (D-MD) unbuttons her blouse, revealing her breasts, and says, "My fellow members of Congress, it's all about the body."

U.S. Rep. Susan Northrup (R-NH) surprises her fellow federal legislators during an October 1997 House Appropriations Committee hearing on Pell Grant allocations.

Mikulski's actions were later denounced by Sen. Carol Moseley-Braun (D-IL), who called them "grossly inappropriate and wholly unacceptable." Moseley-Braun also said that Mikulski had "a fat pussy."

Among the other highlights listed in the Too Hot For C-SPAN! press release: a "sassy catfight between Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) and Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME)"; Sen. Alfonse D'Amato delivering "the filthiest filibuster you've ever heard"; and a "massive bi-partisan pileup" between the Senate Committee On Environment And Public Works and the Committee On Banking, Housing And Urban Affairs concerning the rights of developers to build in the same district as federally protected land.

"When John Chafee says he got it on with Paul Sarbanes' wife while Sarbanes was off on a fact-finding mission to the Florida wetlands," the press release states, "the gloves are off!"

Despite his excitement over the tape, C-SPAN's Jainchill did stress that it is not intended for minors. "Due to its subcommittee melees, profanity-laden roll calls, and wild catfights, Too Hot For C-SPAN! is inappropriate for those under 18. But for everyone else, believe me—you won't want to miss a minute of the incredible gavel-to-gavel action."

"Aw, wicked," said longtime C-SPAN viewer Greg Ammons of La Jolla, CA, when informed of the tape. "I love when they go at it on C-SPAN, and now I can see all the really hot action and hear the really great insults without those annoying 'Oops!' circles appearing over the mouths of the congressmen. This tape is gonna rule."

Encouraged by the substantial pre-order sales for Too Hot For C-SPAN!, C-SPAN is already going ahead with Too Hot For C-SPAN2! The second tape will feature "incredible, totally uncensored" footage from C-SPAN's sister network, C-SPAN2, including author Daniel Yergin's attempt to discuss his new book, The Commanding Heights: The Battle Between Government And The Marketplace That Is Remaking The Modern World, while a pair of 300-pound strippers paints his body with chocolate sauce.


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close