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C-SPAN Releases Too Hot For C-SPAN! Video

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Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

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How Trump Plans To Turn His Campaign Around

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NEW YORK—Quickly running into his bedroom and slamming the door behind him after hearing public criticism of the statements he made regarding the family of a fallen Muslim-American U.S. Army captain, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly threw himself on his bed Tuesday and asked himself “Why can I never seem to say the right thing?” while weeping into his pillow.

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Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.
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C-SPAN Releases Too Hot For C-SPAN! Video

WASHINGTON, DC—In the cable network's first-ever foray into the home-video market, C-SPAN released Too Hot For C-SPAN! Tuesday.

A GATT-treaty debate gets out of hand as enraged U.S. Rep. John McCaskill (D-CA) charges Rep. Walter Fordice (R-NH) during a 1996 congressional session.

The 60-minute, $19.95 videotape features what its packaging describes as "wild and sexy congressional outtakes you won't see on basic cable."

"Sometimes, the action in the House and Senate gets a little out of control, and footage must be held back from the general public," C-SPAN spokesperson Larry Jainchill said. "But now, for the first time ever, you can see it all. Too Hot For C-SPAN! is your front-row ticket to all the outrageous, uncensored action."

In one typical segment, Rep. Henry Waxman (D-CA) argues against the passage of HR-4236, the Omnibus Parks And Public Lands Management Act, calling it "a clear case of Republican pork-barrel politics gone awry." Angered by Waxman's disparaging remarks, the bill's co-sponsor, Rep. James Talent (R-MO) shouts at him, "That's it, bitch, I'm through with your ass," and charges the podium. He then tackles Waxman, pulling his hair and punching him several times before a muscular congressional page pulls the legislators apart.

In another segment, Sen. Bob Graham (D-FL), angered by Sen. Don Nickles' (R-OK) call for a 1.3 percent increase in federal interstate subsidies over the next five years, calls Nickles "a dumb Oklahoma hick who can't get none of his shit approved in the Senate." Nickles responds by calling Graham a "fat Florida fuck" and charges at him. As the livid Nickles is dragged back to his seat by several Republican colleagues, he shouts at Graham: "You just a temporary thang, Bob Graham. Your ass gonna be voted out of office this November. Me, I gots me a 83 percent approval rating in my home district, so I ain't going nowhere—I'm forever, bitch!"

While a majority of Too Hot For C-SPAN!'s content is violent, it does also contain a substantial amount of sexually explicit material. Just before proposing an amendment to Sec. 11, Par. B of the the Hawkins-Taylor Clean Water Act, Sen. Barbara Mikulski (D-MD) unbuttons her blouse, revealing her breasts, and says, "My fellow members of Congress, it's all about the body."

U.S. Rep. Susan Northrup (R-NH) surprises her fellow federal legislators during an October 1997 House Appropriations Committee hearing on Pell Grant allocations.

Mikulski's actions were later denounced by Sen. Carol Moseley-Braun (D-IL), who called them "grossly inappropriate and wholly unacceptable." Moseley-Braun also said that Mikulski had "a fat pussy."

Among the other highlights listed in the Too Hot For C-SPAN! press release: a "sassy catfight between Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) and Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME)"; Sen. Alfonse D'Amato delivering "the filthiest filibuster you've ever heard"; and a "massive bi-partisan pileup" between the Senate Committee On Environment And Public Works and the Committee On Banking, Housing And Urban Affairs concerning the rights of developers to build in the same district as federally protected land.

"When John Chafee says he got it on with Paul Sarbanes' wife while Sarbanes was off on a fact-finding mission to the Florida wetlands," the press release states, "the gloves are off!"

Despite his excitement over the tape, C-SPAN's Jainchill did stress that it is not intended for minors. "Due to its subcommittee melees, profanity-laden roll calls, and wild catfights, Too Hot For C-SPAN! is inappropriate for those under 18. But for everyone else, believe me—you won't want to miss a minute of the incredible gavel-to-gavel action."

"Aw, wicked," said longtime C-SPAN viewer Greg Ammons of La Jolla, CA, when informed of the tape. "I love when they go at it on C-SPAN, and now I can see all the really hot action and hear the really great insults without those annoying 'Oops!' circles appearing over the mouths of the congressmen. This tape is gonna rule."

Encouraged by the substantial pre-order sales for Too Hot For C-SPAN!, C-SPAN is already going ahead with Too Hot For C-SPAN2! The second tape will feature "incredible, totally uncensored" footage from C-SPAN's sister network, C-SPAN2, including author Daniel Yergin's attempt to discuss his new book, The Commanding Heights: The Battle Between Government And The Marketplace That Is Remaking The Modern World, while a pair of 300-pound strippers paints his body with chocolate sauce.

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