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Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Cackling Trump Reveals To Dinner Guests They’ve All Just Eaten Single Piece Of His Tax Returns

WASHINGTON—A satisfied smirk spreading across his face as he watched them finish their meals, a cackling Donald Trump reportedly revealed to dinner guests Tuesday that each and every one of them had just eaten a single piece of his tax returns. “Now that you’re done dining, let me ask: Did you notice anything, shall we say, interesting about your entrées?” said the president, who caused those seated in the State Dining Room to look down at their now empty plates in revulsion as he gleefully revealed that he had diced up over 20 years of pages from his federal and New York State tax filings and sprinkled them into each of the meal’s seven lavish courses. “Dr. Bornstein, you seemed to enjoy your duck roulades. And my good professor, that crab risotto certainly agreed with you. Well, would it surprise you to learn that the dishes you’ve all just partaken of contain morsels of my 1099-Bs from 1995 to 2015? Quite delicious, weren’t they? Please, please don’t be shy about asking for seconds.” At press time, as the disgusted guests stood up from the table and hastily exited, a giddy Trump called out to remind them that they hadn’t even had dessert yet.

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Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

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