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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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Caller Enters Remote Backwaters Of 1-800 Automated Messaging System

GREENVILLE, DE—With the man having long since strayed from the familiar path of the toll-free number’s main menu, sources confirmed that local Comcast customer Michael Hadlow had entered the remote backwoods of the cable company’s automated phone system Tuesday afternoon. “I think a few questions ago I was supposed to hit 6 instead of 8, and now I don’t know how to go back,” said a disoriented Hadlow, who, as he blindly stumbled deeper into the uncharted hinterlands regarding appointment scheduling and equipment installation options, held onto a brief glimmer of hope that the prerecorded voice would throw him a lifeline by asking if he would like to speak to a customer service assistant. “I need them to send me a new modem, but now it just keeps listing sports channel packages available for purchase. I’ve cycled through it twice now. Jesus, how did I get here?” After finding himself at a dead end in the furthest reaches of the system’s landline pricing plans, Hadlow reportedly managed to escape by hanging up the phone and immediately redialing the 1-800 number.

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