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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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Caller Enters Remote Backwaters Of 1-800 Automated Messaging System

GREENVILLE, DE—With the man having long since strayed from the familiar path of the toll-free number’s main menu, sources confirmed that local Comcast customer Michael Hadlow had entered the remote backwoods of the cable company’s automated phone system Tuesday afternoon. “I think a few questions ago I was supposed to hit 6 instead of 8, and now I don’t know how to go back,” said a disoriented Hadlow, who, as he blindly stumbled deeper into the uncharted hinterlands regarding appointment scheduling and equipment installation options, held onto a brief glimmer of hope that the prerecorded voice would throw him a lifeline by asking if he would like to speak to a customer service assistant. “I need them to send me a new modem, but now it just keeps listing sports channel packages available for purchase. I’ve cycled through it twice now. Jesus, how did I get here?” After finding himself at a dead end in the furthest reaches of the system’s landline pricing plans, Hadlow reportedly managed to escape by hanging up the phone and immediately redialing the 1-800 number.

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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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