Cam Newton Leaves Panthers To Start Own Football Team

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Vol 47 Issue 42

Another U.S. Downgrade Looming

Due to the inability of Congress to make any long-term budget fixes, experts are predicting another credit-rating downgrade for the United States.

Republican Presidential Debate

Fox News 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT For 35 minutes, former Utah governor Jon Huntsman tries and fails to shoehorn his sensible opinion into the debate before finally blurting out "People on welfare should starve to death" in order to get the moderato...

Something Sliding Around In Coffin

The government reduces Bernie Madoff's sentence in exchange for infiltrating and fixing the economy, leaf hunting season begins, and something is sliding around in this coffin. It's the week of October 17th, 2011.
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Cam Newton Leaves Panthers To Start Own Football Team

CHARLOTTE, NC—Rookie quarterback Cam Newton delivered a statement Tuesday announcing his plans to move on from the Carolina Panthers so he can start his own independent professional football team. “I want to thank the Panthers for giving me the opportunity to play for them, but I would be denying myself the chance to reach my full potential if I stayed here,” said Newton, adding that he will be using a lot of what he learned over the past six weeks as he gets his franchise started. “I’ve hit my peak with this organization. This is something I need to do.” According to Newton, he has contacted wide receiver Steve Smith to play for him and head coach Ron Rivera to help design his new team’s website.

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