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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Cam Newton Leaves Panthers To Start Own Football Team

CHARLOTTE, NC—Rookie quarterback Cam Newton delivered a statement Tuesday announcing his plans to move on from the Carolina Panthers so he can start his own independent professional football team. “I want to thank the Panthers for giving me the opportunity to play for them, but I would be denying myself the chance to reach my full potential if I stayed here,” said Newton, adding that he will be using a lot of what he learned over the past six weeks as he gets his franchise started. “I’ve hit my peak with this organization. This is something I need to do.” According to Newton, he has contacted wide receiver Steve Smith to play for him and head coach Ron Rivera to help design his new team’s website.

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