Cam Newton Proving He Can Throw Football A Lot

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Vol 47 Issue 39

Man Strains To Find Personalities In Pet Fish

GURNEE, IL—According to friends and family members, 34-year-old Josh Ferguson has really been pushing the bounds of credulity lately by ascribing specific personality traits to his seven tropical fish.

Vick To Miss 4 Weeks With Hand Concussion

PHILADELPHIA—Explaining that the persistent feelings of fatigue, dizziness, and nausea in Michael Vick's non-throwing hand indicate the appendage is concussed, Eagles team physicians announced the quarterback will miss the next four weeks of footbal...
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Cam Newton Proving He Can Throw Football A Lot

CHARLOTTE, NC—With 83 total throwing attempts in the first two games of the season, Panthers rookie quarterback Cam Newton has proven to critics that he can not only throw a football, but can throw it a lot. “A big question mark in the offseason was whether Newton had the arm strength and endurance to throw the ball over and over and over again,” said NFL analyst Jay Glazer, admitting he was wrong to have doubted Newton, who now holds the record for most pass attempts by a rookie in the first two games of a season. “He’s showing a lot of poise out there—a week after throwing the ball 37 times, he went out there and threw the ball 46 times. People are already saying he might be one of the most copious throwers this game has ever seen.” Experts agree that what makes Newton a true threat is the combination of his ability to throw a lot plus his ability to move his feet a lot in whatever direction he wants.

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