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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Cam Newton Proving He Can Throw Football A Lot

CHARLOTTE, NC—With 83 total throwing attempts in the first two games of the season, Panthers rookie quarterback Cam Newton has proven to critics that he can not only throw a football, but can throw it a lot. “A big question mark in the offseason was whether Newton had the arm strength and endurance to throw the ball over and over and over again,” said NFL analyst Jay Glazer, admitting he was wrong to have doubted Newton, who now holds the record for most pass attempts by a rookie in the first two games of a season. “He’s showing a lot of poise out there—a week after throwing the ball 37 times, he went out there and threw the ball 46 times. People are already saying he might be one of the most copious throwers this game has ever seen.” Experts agree that what makes Newton a true threat is the combination of his ability to throw a lot plus his ability to move his feet a lot in whatever direction he wants.

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