adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
End Of Section
  • More News

Camel Cash Inherited From Grandpa

TOPEKA, KS—Twenty-eight-year-old Brian Roberson became the sole heir of his late grandfather Herman Roberson's lifetime savings in Camel Cash Tuesday, when he inherited a shoe box filled with 5,800 C-notes. "To think that a fortune was stashed right behind the cinderblock in the garage all this time," Roberson said, adding that his grandpa always stressed the importance of planning for the future. "He could have bought all the promotional collapsible camping chairs he wanted, but instead he put it away for his grandkid. That's the kind of man he was." According to Roberson, his grandpa's last wish was for him to spend the Camel Cash on anything from the Camel catalog his heart desired, though it all had to have been redeemed before March 31, 2007.
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close