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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Campus Tour Guide Reminds Students At Each Stop They Have To Get In First

MEDFORD, MA—Leading a group of nearly two dozen high school juniors and seniors to various points of interest around campus, Tufts University tour guide Michelle Davis reportedly took time while describing every location Thursday to remind tour members that, first off, they have to be admitted. “Next up is Tisch Library, which houses over 700,000 books and which has a rooftop patio where you can study, read, or just enjoy the great view of Boston, provided you get into the university, of course,” Davis said, adding that the 21 percent of applicants who are accepted to Tufts each year have full access to the library’s extensive digital collections and archives as well. “And this is the Residential Quad, commonly called Res Quad, where, if you make it through the admissions process, you can watch fireworks on Tuftonia’s Day, which is held the day before Spring Fling. Last year, the New Pornographers played Spring Fling, and a couple years before that we had Lupe Fiasco. It’s so much fun, if you happen to get in.” At press time, Davis was asking the tour members if those among them who had a realistic shot of being accepted and could afford four years of the private institution’s tuition had any questions.

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