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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Candlelight Vigilante Takes Commemorating Into Own Hands

PORTLAND, OR—The mysterious “Candlelight Vigilante,” a rogue mourner known for appearing alone in parks and town squares, lighting a single candle, and commemorating loss on his own terms, made his first public statement Tuesday night, speaking to reporters from a pay phone. “Sometimes, when the system fails to grieve properly, a man has to take mourning into his own hands,” said the notorious one-man memorializer, a stoic gravitas entering his voice as he broke a long-held moment of silence. “I commemorate where others don’t. If there’s a church, synagogue, or hospital parking lot in need of a public outpouring of respectful concern, I’ll be there. Nobody—not a community organizer or local pastor—tells me when to pay solemn tribute.” At press time, witnesses reported the Candlelight Vigilante had appeared suddenly along the shoulder of a highway, removed an elaborate floral display from a military duffel, and placed it along the roadside before quickly disappearing back into the shadows.

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